Get Out
by Sasha1
Summary: Double life, anyone? A surprising side to Mac. I don't own Veronica Mars. Review. Please. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

"Get out."

She wrapped the sheet around herself and walked to the desk where a half pack of Dunhill cigarettes was waiting to be devoured. By him. She didn't smoke. Or drink. She hadn't even given up on her vegan habits. She was still dear old Mac. At this thought a guttural laugh escaped her throat.

"What?" he asked as he bit a cigarette.

She just looked at him without replying. Her eyes were telling him to shut the fuck up. As she opened her laptop she again got lost in a dangerous train of thought. What would all her friends say if they knew that their very own Mac, the girl that had gotten over her suicidal slash homicidal boyfriend's abuse, the girl that joked around, and helped them out, and confided in some of them about her relationship with Bronson and later Max, that that exact same girl was - for lack of a better term – friends with benefits with Dick Casablancas, the older brother of the aforementioned psychotic boyfriend?

Mac leaned on the soft chair and closed her eyes.

She didn't even know why she was doing it. To punish herself. Surely. How very cliche. Wallowing in self loathing and cleverly disguised despair. Having sex with someone she didn't really know. Feeling disgusted with herself for doing it. Whine, whine, whine. Why should she try to heal when being destructive was so satisfying? Like a drug. Eros and Thanatos all rolled into one.

Bullshit.

She was lying to herself by saying she didn't know him . She had fallen for the guy. Every once in a while she tried to fool herself into thinking that if it hadn't been him it would have been someone else. But this was a moment of pure sincerity. Another giggle threatened to escape her. She had fallen in love with damaging herself. Human nature sure was a whore.

She reached for the Dunhill pack and put a long cigarette between her bruised, swollen lips. She bent her left knee and rested her heal on the desk. She could see that her revealing pose had caught his attention. Mac took in the smoke and then slowly expulsed what she would normally consider poison out of her lungs. She felt his gaze on her. Although her eyes were closed he felt him pausing to look at the bruises he had caused. She didn't mind the marks. That's how it was between them. Brutal, wild, always burning bright and intensely.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. He had an apologetic look on his face. At that moment she loved him. Because the same emotion was mirrored in his eyes.

But this wasn't about love. It was about not being able to let go of the pain. About being a victim on the inside and feeding demons; some of which were of their own creation. No room for constructive emotion.

She put out her half smoked cigarette and glared at him.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

No lengthy sentimental speech about never having meant to hurt her - because he had enjoyed it; no tears, no sobs. But it was more than what other potential manifestations would have been.

She tore her blue eyes from his. Lowering her leg she tossed him his jeans.

"Get out."she said again as she started to type.

An ambiguous grin fluttered over his lips. He put his clothes on hastily.

"Always the romantic, Ghostworld..." he whispered in her ear.

The door slammed shut behind him.

A/N: I know they're a little out of character. Especially Mac. But that was kind of the point. Hope it got across. Please review. Just think. A couple of minutes of your time can make me happy and maybe even a better (and less lazy) writer. Cause we love feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars or any of the character you might recognize form the show.

Veronica was heading towards her wearing a victorious grin.

"Got it", she said as she passed Mac on her way out of the frat house. The brunette followed gratefully.

"I thought we were never getting out of there.",Veronica sighed as she stopped on the front lawn.

"Well, it did take more than you thought it would. But you can always rely on a mindless idiot to cheat on his girlfriend and contribute to your allowance."

"That I can", she replied holding her camera up like a trophy.

"So do you think we still have time to watch the movie?"

"Well maybe if we..."

Before Veronica could finish a loud laughter interrupted their exchange. Both girls turned around to look for the source of the disturbance.

About 50 feet away, two obviously drunken boys were looking to get into a shiny sports car. Said inebriated individuals were Logan Echolls and Dick Casablancas jr.

"Crap...", Veronica said as she looked at Mac with a pleading look.

Shrugging Mac followed her friend who had already begun walking in the direction of her wasted ex and his equally intoxicated bff.

"Ronnie!.." Dick bellowed, distracting Logan who had been unsuccessfully trying to open the car door.

"Ronnie" didn't say anything. She just headed towards Logan who had almost fallen over and helped him up without a word. She started leading him towards Mac's Beatle when he started protesting.

"'Mnot leaving new car ...smbdy might st..stol...steal it." he slurred .

"Fine."

The blonde turned to Mac

" Mac, would you mind driving Dick to the Grand in your car. I'll drive Logan. We'll meet there..?" she ended questioningly.

Mac glanced at the blond boy. He could barely stand. Looking a little confused he leaned on a tree in a vague attempt of making everything stop spinning. Once the world had stabilised slightly he looked at Mac and gave her a goofy smile.

„Sure. We'll meet upstairs."

After Veronica wrestled Logan in the passenger seat she drove off giving Mac a shy, somewhat embarrassed wave.

Mac walked up to Dick. Sighing, she put one arm around his waist and helped him put the other around her shoulders. She began leading him to her car. Seeing as how she was almost a foot shorter than him and several dozen pounds lighter, it had not been an easy task but she finally managed to get him on the passenger seat of her Beatle.

"Mackie...", he whispered, "I've missed you...you'v'been s' busy..."

Ignoring him she got in the car and drove off. She may have her .. arrangements with Dick, but dealing with him under other circumstances had never been necessary. She worked hard to separate those aspects of her life. In fact, she sometimes pretended that the hours they spent together didn't exist. She never thought about it outside the privacy of the four walls they occurred in. Well rarely thought about it. Never talked about it, anyway.

She couldn't help looking at him though. His head was leaning on the passenger window. He looked like a twelve year old on his way home from a particularly tiring birthday party. But the issues he was drowning were different than those of any almost-adolescent boy. She knew him. Knew what he was dealing with. His careless mother, his selfish father and ... his brother. She knew that and many more things about him. His favorite songs, bands, movies, video games, underwear... Not that they actually ever talked about any of it. Just that in the six months they had been... meeting things had come up. She had learned to read his face, his eyes, his body language. At first she couldn't figure out why she had started paying attention to these things. Then, about one month ago, she had broken down the walls of sweet denial she had built around herself. She realised she was in love with him. But that didn't change things. Didn't mean much. She was still too far gone. Caught in lies, self loathing, self destructive behavior and melodrama. No drugs, no booze, no sleeping around. Just emotional numbness. And acting like she was normal. Going on dates once in a while. Just to make sure her friends wouldn't realise that she avoided relationships. It was easier this way. Or maybe it was just what she thought she deserved. For not seeing it. For not seeing he had been so hurt, so broken.

"Stop!"

Startled, Mac pushed the break peddle so hard that her head almost collided with the windshield.

"What the fuck was that, Dick?", she asked scared and annoyed.

He had gotten out of the car and was now stumbling on the beach. Dropping to his knees Dick started drawing patterns in the sand. He raised his head and looked at the sea. Managing to stand, he headed for the water. Mac had caught up with him and was now pulling him by the sleeve.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Going for a swim." he answered in an almost clear voice.

"No you don't" she voiced trying to turn him to face her.

But it seemed that although his speech had cleared up, he still had trouble keeping his balance. He slowly turned to her and looked into her eyes.

"Mac... I think I'm... you did something cause I can't... and I want to... I have this..." he gestured towards his chest.

Incapable of forming a coherent sentence he leaned in for a hug. But he was to heavy. He forgot that she couldn't hold him up by herself and they both collapsed on the sand. He leaned further in and got on top of her.

His weight was crushing her. She could barely breathe. But she didn't push him off. Her hands were gripping his shirt and her breathing was becoming heavier. He leaned in for a kiss. She couldn't resist. She let him touch her lips with his. She felt his alcohol stained breath in her mouth. She moaned slightly. Tears were stinging her closed eyes. Her ribs were aching because of his weight and the lack of oxygen. Still Mac couldn't bring herself to push him away. She gripped his shirt harder. He lowered his mouth starting to place soft kisses on her jaw line. She was now gasping for air, almost choking. Although she didn't seem to do anything about it, he had noticed and was not rolling off her gracelessly. He got to his feet with effort and waited for her to do the same.

"Mac? You ok?"

His eyes were struggling to remain open. His hands were searching for something to grip. Without a word she gave him the support he needed. They walked back to the car in silence.

10 minutes later they had reached The Grand. They had made one more stop on the way over so that Dick could empty the contents of his stomach on the side of the road.

"There you are", Veronica said as Mac let herself in the penthouse using Dick's key card.

"Yeah..." , she said leading Dick to the couch. As soon as his head hit the soft surface he began snoring loudly.

"I pity Logan for having to live with him.", Veronica said hearing the loud snores.

"He doesn't usually snore.", Mac said with a smile without thinking.

Veronica's eyes widened. Her forceful gaze was shouting more questions than her mouth could have.

"Umm... I assume... I mean...alcohol makes people snore. Maybe he's not usually this loud."

"Right." Veronica said skeptically.

"Right" Mac mimicked,"So we should umm... get going, right?"

"You go. I wanna make sure he's alright."

"No, it's fine. I can stay. I mean if you don't mind. Keep you company..."

Mac's eyes had traveled to Dick who was passed out on the couch in a position he would be regretting the next morning. She wanted to make sure he was ok too. They were just referring to different „he" 's.

"We should probably try to get this idiot to his bed then.", Veronica said interrupting her reverie.

Mac sighed trying to get used to the idea of dragging Dick to his bedroom. It would take some effort. Neither she nor veronica were cut out for that kind of work. It would be such much easier if she could „program" him in his bedroom instead of having to support his weight.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Veronica shrugged and they both leaned in to grab Dick. Getting him off the couch wasn't as hard as they though. He didn't protest event though he had partially woken up. He even tried to carry some of his own weight and managed to drag his legs. They had almost reached the bed when Dick looked to his right and realised it was Mac who was helping him.

"Mackie?",was all he managed to say almost asleep again.

They laid him on the bed, took his shoes off and let him sleep.

Once out of the room Veronica started shooting her inquisitive glances again. It wasn't as though she couldn't understand her friends curiosity. Dick hadn't said much. But the fact that he had noticed **her** and the soft and almost tender ring to his voice as he said her name would seem peculiar to Veronica. He had said her name like he was used to saying it. Familiarity and intimacy had been dripping from his voice. Damn those inflections. It was amazing how much someone can say without shooting their mouths off. But then again, both Veronica and Mac knew that usually when you talked a lot it was because you wanted people to be distracted from the fact that you don't really want to tell them anything important.

"So, are you going to tell me what's up with this?", Veronica finally asked not being able to deal with the uncomfortable silence anymore.

"What's up with what?", Mac asked back acting stupid.

"Do you honestly think the "acting oblivious" thing will work with me?"

" I _honestly _don't know what you're talking about."

"Why are you doing this? Why won't you talk to me about this, Mac?"

Mac rolled her eyes trying to convey a lot of revealing emotion with that supreme gesture of annoyance.

"Let it go, Veronica. There really isn't anything to talk about. I think you've become paranoid."

"I already was. And don't try to deny it. I know there's more to this than you're telling me."

All of the defense mechanisms that Mac had perfected in her 20 years of existence were responding automatically.

"I don't even know what the „this" you're talking about is. For fuck's sake give it a rest already. You're being absurd and annoying."

Veronica wasn't a physically intimidating person. A 5' 1" pixie as Dick had put it. But she could be scary as hell anyway. And was definitely not the person to back down or be discouraged by rough language.

" You know very well what I'm referring to. And since when do you swear?"

Mac wasn't answering. She chose a point on the wall in front of her and proceeded to study it fervently.

"Can you please stop acting like a 5 year old and answer me", came the almost calm voice of her friend „I know you. Something isn't right."

At that Mac got up suddenly.

"You know me? No shit? You don't know the first thing about me Veronica Mars. So being presumptuous won't help."

The girl opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by another angry tirade.

"I don't even know why I bother with this. You know everything anyway. Or so you like to think. So why don't you just tell me what went on. Or better yet, keep it to yourself. I'm out of here."

Hasty and noisy movements followed that statement. A few second later Veronica was staring at the massive door that had just been slammed shut by one of her closest friends.

A/N: First of all I want to thank everyone who reviewed. I also want to apologize for taking this long. I don't really have an excuse. Except maybe that I'm lazy. The more you review the less lazy I am. HINT HINT. I also apologize if this chapter isn't as good as some of you would expect it to be. Please let me know what you like and don't like about it. I love a harsh critic. Anyway, I'll work on my laziness issue if you decide to click the go button.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dick was sober._

_BAD idea._

_It was the first time he had been completely conscious in a long time. It was also the first time he had visited his brother's grave since the funeral which he couldn't really remember because he had been medicated or drunk... or both._

_Dick wasn't exactly known for his intelligence. This was turning out to be yet another occasion for life to mock him. Thinking just wasn't for him. Why in the name of all that was holy had he decided to face that gravestone sober? Why after deciding hadn't he changed his mind, or just forgotten to follow through...he was great at forgetting about stuff. Not as great as he'd like to be, though._

_Dick was finding himself in desperate need of a drink, of a joint, of a fucking regular cigarette even._

_The feeling was strange. He had expected the pain. He had came prepared for it. But there was something else. Awkwardness, fear, guilt. The sheer emotional and physical torment of it all didn't seem to be enough anymore. Too many emotions for the usually uncomplicated Dick. His regular defense mechanism had crumbled. Face to face with life's ugliest comebacks it was hard to keep up appearances. The feeling that he was going to break down and cry like a little girl wasn't subsiding. There was no one there to actually care if he did throw a fit anyway. _

_He heard the distinct sound of a bottle colliding with the cement a little more brutally than it should have. He turned and to his immense surprise discovered that he wasn't the only visitor Cassidy had._

_Sitting on the ground with her head against a random head stone was Mac. Unlike him she had had the sense to bring booze. She was looking at him with a mock pitiful expression._

"_Rookie", she said sarcastically._

"_What?"_

"_You're sober."_

"_And?"_

"_Well if this were a habit you would have been drunk."_

_He just looked at her puzzled. She didn't seem to want to offer any further explanation. So he just sat in silence for a while. He knew what she meant after pondering it for a couple of minutes. If he would have known what it felt like to be there he wouldn't have committed the mistake of trying to face the situation sober._

_He looked at the girl in front of him. He hadn't seen her since that day on the beach. She had changed. Actually it was like she was a completely different person. She would occasionally take gulps out of the JD bottle she had brought. Even though she was clearly drunk she wasn't acting out._

"_Does that help?" he asked pointing towards the bottle._

"_You tell me. You're supposed to be the expert."_

"_Does it help you forget?"_

_He didn't have to expand. They both know what he was talking about._

_She let out a choked laughter._

"_I don't usually drink, Dick. This is just... a special occasion." she finished with a bitter smile on her lips._

"_Oh."_

_Silence filled the air like autumn fog. It had actually become comfortable at one point._

"_No."_

_Her voice was calm. Not at all slurred. It was just too bitter to be natural. Once again he found himself looking at her confused._

"_It doesn't help me forget. Just gets me numb enough to deal with it."_

_He nodded._

_She offered him the bottle of whiskey. Not needing too much encouragement he almost lunged for it and took one large gulp. His esophagus protested. His lungs seem to be on fire. He had a mild feeling his stomach didn't agree with the treatment either but the sensations in his chest and throat were too distracting for him to manage to pay attention to it._

_A side effect of drinking a lot is that you become more tolerant to alcohol. Dick had managed to get tipsy. However, what he needed was to get so unbelievably drunk that he would black out. He lacked the energy and the will to go get the necessary quantity of alcohol for that. So he took what he could get._

_Mac, on the other hand didn't need that much alcohol to become more than slightly intoxicated._

"_You have a weird way of being drunk, dude." _

_It took Mac a few seconds to focus. When she finally managed, she repressed a hiccup._

"_What do you mean?"_

" _I mean... you're not a violent drunk, you're not a happy drunk. You're not even a broody one. You just seem, I dunno, bitter."_

"_That's not the alcohol's doing."_

"_See? You sound almost normal."_

"_Yeah...cause I don't have to stand."_

_They spend the next half an hour emptying the JD bottle. When they finally made their way out of the cemetery Dick offered Mac a ride since she had taken the bus there._

_She leaned against the metal fence of the cemetery, closed her eyes and tried to be coherent._

"_I don't think you should be driving."_

"_I'm used to drinking and driving. Wanna come back to the suit? Logan's out."_

_She didn't say anything she just got in his truck and stared out the side window._

"_I'll take that as a yes.", Dick muttered to himself._

_The way to the Grand was uneventful. Mac kept staring blankly at nothing in particular. She seemed to be thinking hard about something. _

_As soon as the doors to the elevator closed she turned to Dick, and lowered his head with her hand gripping the back of his neck. Just before their lips touched she smirked noticing that although he was surprised he had already closed his eyes in anticipation._

_SSSSSSSS_

_The pounding in Mac's head wasn't stopping. So she decided to wake up. She slowly opened her eyes trying to adjust to the light. The surroundings were unfamiliar and it took her a few minutes to remember where she was. The fact that she was naked and that the sheets that were covering her had surf boards decorating them helped._

_She looked at her right to discover Dick sound asleep on his half of the bed. Careful not to wake him up, and thus trigger a very comfortable conversation, she got up and started looking for her clothes. She got dressed and left the suit as silently as she could._

_Just as she entered the elevator her cell phone began ringing._

"_Hey, Veronica.", she said her voice perfectly normal._

"_Hey. Where are you?"_

"_Out to get coffee.", Mac answered suspecting Veronica had been looking for her at her dorm._

"_Can we meet up? I need to ask for a favor."_

"_Sure thing. Wait... this is not anything illegal, now is it? Cause you know... I don't associate with those who are on the wrong side of the law."_

"_Ha ha. Very funny. See you in about 30 minutes in the cafeteria? I have to take care of something right now."_

"_Sure thing."_

A/N: So this was a flashback. Thanks to Tatsuki Uotani for the suggestion. Wasn't as good as I wanted it to be (not the suggestion the chapter). I promise you the chapters will get better. And longer. I mean, I don't know about you guys but this isn't up to my standards. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. They are most motivating. So keep motivating me and I will keep writing. Now REVIEW away.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I don't own Veronica Mars or any of the characters and situation you might recognise from the show.

Chapter 4

Tic toc, tic toc, tic toc, tic toc

The two women were staring at each other, neither of them willing to break the silence. The sound of a pen tapping on a clipboard started to be the focus of Mac's attention. The pounding was annoying her. She knew that it shouldn't have irritated her this much but she was beginning to feel like every tap was a personal affront.

„Could you please stop that?", Mac asked her psychiatrist.

„Of course", the woman complied smiling that her little trick had paid off.

„So, Cindy. Is there something in particular you want to talk about?"

„No.", Mac answered searching for something interesting to fix her gaze on.

„What about your relationship with Dick?"

„Dick and I don't have a relationship.", she answered trying to seem distracted.

„Really?"

„Yeah."

Tic toc, tic toc, tic toc

„That's the impression you gave me last time we talked and you brought him up."

No answer.

Doctor Applebaum repressed a sigh. Cindy Mackenzie's parents had almost forced their daughter to see a shrink after the infamous „Grad Night Party". And after almost two years of meeting with the girl, said shrink had made little to no progress. Cindy sometimes gave her snippets. Nothing she could actually work with. More like bits of information that would provoke questions that never got any answer. A shrug was the most the doctor would get.

„Cindy... you have to talk to me if we want these sessions to help." Doctor Applebaum found herself repeating what she had been saying to this girl almost weekly.

„The first time I got drunk was after Cassidy's funeral."

Mac wasn't looking at the doctor. She seemed to be talking to herself.

„I didn't actually attend. I couldn't gather up the courage. I just parked near the cemetery and stared at the gates for about an hour. When I saw everyone leaving I made my way home. I had bought a bottle of whiskey the day before. I drank half of it and got smashed. Didn't do me much good."

She paused and took a deep breath.

„I don't really know what I was expecting. I didn't drink enough to black out. I just got sleepy and woke up the next day with a huge hangover."

Dr. Applebaum didn't say anything for fear that her interruption might stop Cindy's rant. She was an experienced therapist. But this sudden confession had taken her by surprise and she was doing all she could not to discourage the girl in front of her by throwing a cliche like „How does that make you feel?" her way.

Silence seemed to be the right approach.

„The only other times I got drunk after that was when I went to visit his grave. On his birthday, sometimes during spring or winter break..."

Tic Toc, Tic Toc

„And Dick is..."

„He isn't anything. Anything relevant to this discussion, that is.", Mac said coldly.

Doctor Apllebaum had gotten the message. If she wanted to keep Cindy Mackenzie talking then pushing her wasn't going to be the right tactic. She would have to beat around the bush a lot, but as a therapist she was quite good at it, so that wasn't a problematic issue. However the fact that her patient seem to close up every time she wanted to ask a question or make a remark would make it much more difficult for her to subtly lead the discussion into a convenient direction.

Tic Toc

_ After our brief exchange Cindy remains silent and focuses on the watch on my desk seeming to count the minutes that are left of our session like she has done many times before. _

_SSSSSSSSSSSS_

„Oh Fuck!"

Logan Echolls swore pathetically as he tried to lift his throbbing head off the pillow. The movement proved to be too sudden so he threw it back on the soft surface uttering unintelligible profanities in the process. After a few deep intakes of breath he reinitiated his efforts to get up. Slowly and carefully he managed to make it out of bed, out of the bedroom and into to the kitchen area. As he glanced towards the couch he saw that it was occupied by a pretty little blonde he hadn't seen in quite a while.

With his head still pounding he made his way to Veronica and shook her gently. His intention had been to throw a snide remark at her while wearing his signature grin. The hangover and her blue eyes stopped him in his tracks.

„Good morning", he said softly.

She just looked at him, disapproval obvious in her gaze. The unspoken negative response he received to his most civil greeting got him in defense mode faster than Veronica's blinking as she tried to shake the sleep from her eyes.

„Why are you here?"

Logan turned his back on her and headed towards the coffee machine careful not to hit anything or make any noise in the process.

„Somebody had to get you and Dick home last night and seeing as how you two were too drunk to walk, letting you drive didn't seem like a good option."

She got up and crossed her arms over her chest in a somewhat intimidating pose.

Before Logan could answer they heard a low groan coming from the doorway of the second bedroom.

„'Morning, Ronnie.", Dick said completely oblivious to the menacing looks Veronica was throwing him.

„Hey, dude. Order any coffee yet?", he asked Logan.

„They take too long. I'm making some."

„Cool."

Dick dragged his legs to the couch and than dropped his weight on it.

Veronica couldn't believe it. Neither of them was saying anything about the other night. Granted, they probably didn't remember much seeing as how they had both been dead drunk, but the lack of an apology, explanation or at least some polite conversation was adding to her anger. Seeing as how Logan was avoiding her and focusing on the coffee she turned to face Dick.

„Dick.", she said in a disgusted tone.

He grunted his acknowledgment not being able to start exchanging snarky comments. Normally would have remarked on the fact that she had used his name as an insult but right now his head was to heavy and his brain was working at minimal capacity.

„I have some questions to ask you, surfer boy. So push whatever button you need to push to get back from you neanderthalian state."

„Huh?"

„What's the deal with you and Mac?"

Hearing Mac's name cleared the fog in his head instantly.

„Ghost World? What are you talking about Ronnie? I thought _you _didn't drink...", he said letting out a chuckle.

Dick was a good liar. But Veronica was still Veronica. She noticed that his muscles had tensed, his eyes had cleared and his voice had become dismissive.

„Why don't you just tell me now before I decide to taser it out of you?"

„Whatever. I have shit to do.", he said disappearing into his room without another word.

Logan offered Veronica the coup of coffee he had initially brought over for Dick. They stood in silence for a while. But they had replaced words with looks a long time ago. They stared at each for almost twenty minutes, speaking their own silent language. He had gone from apologetic, to angry, to amused. She, in turn, had explored anger, frustration and annoyance at his amusement. Just as they were about to start talking, Dick came out of his bedroom with his surfing equipment.

„Where are you going? I'm not done with the questions... Dick come back here!"

„Sorry. Gotta be somewhere. See ya, dude.", he shot to Logan.

The door slammed shut.

SSSSSSSSSSSS

Neptune, California. Where normal is never the watchword. Whether it's a scandal or inner turmoil, the waters are never calm. The fire is always burning, bringing everyone to a boiling point.

The fire that seemed to haunt Neptune wasn't selective or merciful. Being a properly behaved entity lacking self consciousness, it did what it was meant to do. It burnt. Without regard for the people it affected or them deserving the punishment or not. Its indifference made the town what it was. A place that tortures its inhabitant and yet draws more of them to it because some of said tormented inhabitants were rich, famous or both. So the little people suffered and the largely popular ones did too. And Neptune's fire didn't care. But really.. is it any different anywhere else?

x

Crimson. Dark purple. Blood tainted orange. The daily battle had begun. Two lovers fighting for supremacy over the object of their desire. The sea hungry and willing to swallow the sun and the sky so stubborn in its reluctance to let it go. Their repetitive war created myriads of shades of color that delighted the esthetic sense of the random viewer.

His tanned skin was bathed by the little light that was left. His legs were unconsciously moving in the water as he was observing the sunset from a prime spot. Floating on his surfboard, Dick narrowed his blue eyes in order to focus his gaze on the wonderful spectacle that nature was putting on for him.

Although he had always loved to surf, he had never been a keen observer of the natural wonders. After Cassidy died however, he found himself wanting to be alone, to find solace, to observe, to concentrate on something other than the utter mess that had become his life. For several weeks the beach had been his home. He sometimes forgot to go back to his large, and empty house and slept on the sand. The smell of the sea had become so familiar that he had come to think of it as the only homey fragrance he knew.

After the night had conquered the surroundings, he made his way to the shore. He unzipped his wet suit and took it off making his way to his car in his swimming trunks.

The beach was now deserted. A cool wind was haunting the waves. The normally golden sand was now darker.

Half way to his car he saw her. An oversized gray shirt covering her upper body. He recognised it as his own and vaguely remembered leaving it at her place. Her shorts covered too little of her legs so she had started shaking. The look on her face wasn't the usual sarcastic one. There was no glint of malice or superiority. For a moment he thought she might be drunk, uncertain on what else could have caused her to look so vulnerable, so unguarded.

But her navy blue eyes were clear.

„Hey..", he said unsure of what other greeting the situation called for.

„Hi."

Dick took a few more steps reducing the distance between them. They were now a foot apart. Their eyes locked. After a few moments of comfortable silence she suddenly glued their bodies together and locked her arms around his neck pulling him down for a brutal kiss. He responded immediately pulling her towards him with urgency and need that increased as he noticed her clinging to him. Her legs were no longer sustaining her weight as she surrendered. He gripped her waist and lifted her off the ground offering her the opportunity to circle his own middle. Still kissing he walked her towards his car and placed her body on the backseat.

If someone would have decided to take a stroll on the beach that night, they would have seen nothing but a trunk parked somewhere in the distance. A trunk with steamed windows and an aura of despair.

**A/N:** Here it is. The forth chapter. The next one might be the last one. Let me know what you think about this one and we'll see. So don't forget... the more you review the quicker I update.

P.S.: I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed so far. You guys were soooo helpful and I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Words are overrated. They have become merely tools to facilitate lying. To avoid intimacy. To steer people in the wrong direction. We are guarded. We are damaged. We don't want to let others in. To let them know what we are actually thinking, actually feeling. We use words to cover up this hesitation. Silences, on the other hand, are revealing. They can bring people together. They force you to really look to get to know people. To look in their eyes, to study their body language, their facial expressions, their reaction to different stimuli. And they don't cover that up. Most of them because they are not able to, others because they are not aware of your interest.

As they were riding in his trunk in comfortable silence Mac was thinking that she knew Dick better than anyone precisely because of the silences they had shared. During their relationship she had rarely been willing to initiate or contribute to meaningful conversations so he had complied. At the time, Mac could have sworn it was a full proof plan not to have to get attached. Time proved her wrong. There were things he wouldn't admit to anyone that she had found out while watching him during those sound-free moments.

She reached over and slipped her small hand in his. He didn't avert his gaze off the road. There was no indication that he had even noticed her taking the initiative. None other than the slight squeeze he gave her hand and the soft smile that was working its way up to his lips.

XXXXXXXXX

Logan opened the door to the suit to find a very angry looking Veronica glaring suspiciously back at him.

„Where's Mac?"

„Well, it's nice to see you too but please tone it down with the display of emotion… you know I could never stand teary greetings .", Logan said sarcastically as he closed the door Veronica had lunged through. Most of his witty remark was lost on her since she was already searching the suit as though she expected to find Mac tied up in a closet.

As she came out of Logan's bedroom and headed towards Dick's she shot the question without bothering to look at him.

„Where is Mac?"

„Now, that's a lame excuse. If you wanted to see me all you had to do was ask. Stop it with the stalking already, Veronica. I may have to put my money to work and ask for a restraining order."

His face wore a half annoyed half annoyingly arrogant expression. His features were rearranged partially as she came back into the living area, her lips drawn in a fine line and her eyes merciless.

„Really now, Veronica… Why would Mac be here?"

„Because there's something happening between Mac and Dick. And as soon as I find out exactly what that asshole did to her I'm going to taser his ass into oblivion"

The echo of her words still lingered in the space between them. Sparks were shooting from both pairs of eyes. But that wasn't unusual. The state of things between them had changed throughout the years. But it had never been normal or peaceful. It was like Olympic fire. Never extinguishing even though it would seem impossible for two people to be able to sustain such a level of intensity without their inner combustion to falter.

One could almost hear the atoms beginning to accelerate their spin. An explosion was iminent. Just on the lookout for the appropriate catalyst. Which came in the form of a door opening.

As Dick entered his luxury home, he was stunned to find Veronica and Logan looking on the verge of killing each other, or fucking each other. He gripped Mac's hand more forcefully, afraid that she would back down. But Mac didn't make a run for it. She followed him into the suit without a word but with her chin raised defensively and proudly.

The silence was broken, unsurprisingly, by Veronica.

„What. The hell. Is going on?"

Her anger was obvious. She was smart enough to realise that Mac hadn't been coerced into anything. And observant enough to notice that the familiarity between the two signaled that this liaison was anything but recent. She felt betrayed. Mac was a very close friend. She had always thought that even though none of them thought that talking about their feelings was the base upon which a friendship is founded, at least the important things were shared.

Mac sensed the danger. Veronica hated public scenes, indeed. But this wasn't really public. This was Logan and Dick. Despite their somewhat strained relationship, Veronica considered Dick close, having gone through so much together. And Logan. Well… it was safe to say that Veronica would never be anything but comfortable around him, even though their relationship status fluctuated.

She dragged her friend by the arm and lead her without a word into what Mac considered to be familiar ground. Dick's bedroom. It didn't take her much to realise that it had been a faux pas. Veronica too was well acquainted with one of the bedrooms in the Grand Suit. But it wasn't this one.

Too amazed to react or resist, the blonde quietly let herself be guided. As she started to come out of the shock that Mac's sudden maneuver had caused, she defensively crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her friend, her lips settled into the same thin line of annoyance, that announced her irritation and grief. She decided not to make thing even more difficult by commenting on Mac's choice of sanctuary.

„Look… I really don't know how to say this. I'm still a little confused on what _this_ is myself. I really…", Mac paused and took a deep breath. She couldn't talk about the reasons why she had started seeing Dick. She knew Veronica wanted and deserved to know why she had kept this form her, but is was still hard for her to talk about it, and now was not the moment for starting such a conversation.

So she gave her the Reader's Digest version. She left out the drama and the self destructive tendencies. The cemetery visits, the alcohol… Veronica kept quiet and didn't ask for details when Mac had given her the „it just happened" line. She had been there. She know how uncomfortable it actually was to talk about the things that seem to „just happen". The story wasn't informative per se. But Veronica was used to reading between the lines. She got it. The unspoken pleas for her not to try to dig deeper, the awkward pauses, the grasping for words. She knew all she needed to know. Which was not to say she was fine with it.

When Mac stopped talking, she sighed and reviewed the facts.

„So let me get this straight. You and Dick have been" , she too stopped to look for the appropriate word, „involved for more than six months now, but since it wasn't a relationship, you considered that no one needed to know. And now, you're still not dating, but you're fine with people knowing. About you guys."

„Pretty much."

The explanation may have seemed weird and confusing to other people. But Veronica's keen sense of observation had spared Mac many uncomfortable exchanges once again. The P.I. noticed how Mac would flinch at the use of the word relationship. Almost like she was afraid of it. So she hadn't insisted. Hey, if Mac wanted to call a walking talking duck a chicken, it was not her problem.

„Mac are you sure about this?"

She was now at the receiving end of a very defensive glare.

„What do you mean?"

„I mean… Dick isn't exactly known for his commitment skills. And from an academical stand point… you two couldn't be more different.".

What Veronica meant to say was: He's bound to cheat on you and you have nothing in common. You're smart. He's an uncomplicated, perpetually-horny moron.

„You're wrong."

Veronica's head jerked up. This was the first time in the conversation that her friend's voice sounded confident. There was no tremor, no doubt.

„You don't know him. You like to assume that there's nothing hiding beneath the surface. Because it's easy to not care about it if there's nothing to care about. You don't have to deal with the guilt. But face it. Use your brain and realise that no one goes through the amount of shit that he went through and remain the same. We all have defense mechanisms Veronica. Some of them infuriate the people around us, others hurt them. His was better. It was acting the same, while having changed. It doesn't mean he's passed through this unaffected. It just means he's better at hiding it that most people are."

She finished her tirade looking tense and up-tight. And strong. That convinced Veronica.

„ Okay. Let's go back."

MDMDMDMDMDMDM

Logan was looking at Dick tentatively. He wanted to ask. But that's not how it worked with them. They couldn't get into a meaningful conversation. And he knew that if he tried to play the casual card, Dick would see right through it. But then again they always did see right through what the other was trying to pass as a blasé attitude.

„So.. You and Mac are..?" Logan started, praying to find the right word before he got to that part of the sentence. What was he to say? Dating? In a relationship? Sleeping together?

„Yeah.."

He was rapidly cut off by Dick, who seemed to be even less inclined to put a tag on the „situation". He hadn't spoken to Mac about it. He wouldn't know what to confirm and what not to. He thought that as long as things were not definite or labeled she would be ok with them as an item. She wouldn't run, or snark.

They stared uncomfortably at each other for a while. They knew they should say more. But how? Neither of them was delighted by the prospect of having to speak.

„So…"

Both men turned at the sound of the familiar female voice.

„Mac and I are done talking.", Veronica went on, trying to make her voice sound normal, "You guys wanna go grab some dinner or something?"

Dick and Logan stared at each other in disbelief. The change of attitude manage to scare them rather than reassure them. They decided to just be relieved that they escaped the wrath of the tiny blonde one.

Mac made her way to Dick and offered her hand to him after he got off the couch.

„Sure.", he said with a grin on his face.

She wasn't running.

Logan sighed and stood up as well.

„Why the fuck not? This night can't get any weirder."

Things weren't ok. Never to be normal again, Mac thought to herself as the foursome was exetting the hotel. But maybe she could learn to live with the way things were. Maybe she could even try to make it better than what she had before. It was worth a shot. And besides.. who ever said normal had to be the watchword?


End file.
